How and Why You Should Meet New Colleagues This Year
Why leadership and talent management especially should meet new and existing employees this year
The previous year, I jumped on every opportunity I could to meet colleagues at my company. One challenge with remote companies is regularly meeting with colleagues. When you work at an in-person company, this feels easy as we can strike up a chat with anyone anywhere. This article is written for those who may work at a remote company, though you can apply these principles anywhere.
This company in particular does a randomized two person coffee chat, where two people are recommended to meet. In the past at other remote companies, I would suggest our team have a monthly or weekly lunch. But with the random coffee chat, this made the initial invite simpler.
One big takeaway I learned in meeting with colleagues is that few people were taking advantage of this - my colleagues would share this was a rare event. Now that I reflect over the past year, I have some thoughts to encourage people to take advantage of these opportunities. First let’s look at why this especially applies to those in leadership and talent management.
“How Would I Know That About My Employees?”
I recently consulted with a leader who I met at one of our leadership lunches. One suggestion I made in particular involved individual employees. Here’s the kicker line in our discussion that took me by surprise:
“But how would I know those things about my employees?”
You’re in leadership! You should know details about your employees or for very large companies, you should know people who would know these details. As a quick check here for both leadership and talent management: when was the last time you talked with your employees - including the ones who aren’t the most vocal?
That’s part of how you know details about people.
But I Need A Reason!
The coffee chat invite is brilliant because it takes away one task from the employees - meet your colleagues! However, not every company will have this. How do you handle the why when you don't have an automated email that gives both participants (or group) the why?
The best way is to be as you as possible without taking any response personal. For instance, if you realize that you're too caught up in your head and you need to step out and meet others, state that. For example, "I tend to be too caught up in work sometimes and I forget to meet people I work with, so I wanted to set up a quick chat with you." You could even write, "I read this article on Executive Decisions on why I should meet people I work with and I want to do that this year." If that's truly the reason you want to meet your colleagues, then that's your why.
That leads us to the next reason.
Related Point: In Person Meetings
As I alluded to in the beginning, in person workplaces make it easy to have random conversations. One point that will take you far with this is to familiarize yourself with people's schedule. If you want to drop by a person's desk, then make sure that you know their schedule well enough to avoid interrupting a meeting or a "wired in" work moment. You can still send invites if you want, but I've never found these to be necessary, as you'll have plenty of opportunities to talk with people.
One way to encourage people to drop by your desk is use a bowl of refreshments or snacks with a little sign that says "Feel Free To Take Some" or another inviting message. In the past, candy bowls were popular but these can also be health conscious if you work in that environment (think packages of trail mix, nuts, etc).
The Busy Excuse
“I’m Busy”
We’re all busy. Chances are that you are busy as well. You’re balancing a few projects and working on several tasks within those projects. If you’re one of the lucky few who is not busy, then the good news is that you can move onto the next point about your colleagues possibly being busy.
One way to handle this excuse is to consider the point: you will never be as free as you are now. You have no idea how many more responsibilities you have in the future. You may face much more of a burden than you do right now. This mental trick helps you realize that the best moment to do something is now, not later. We all tend to think that we will have more time in the future. Is that true?
I used to track plans for the week or quarter on a regular basis and I noticed a pattern. I lacked the ability to calculate interruptions. When I tried to anticipate how much of my time would be lost in these, I still undercalculated the effort. This helped me connect the dots on why future promises to ourselves is under delivered. You may be the same and this recognition will help you.
As I’ll suggest with your colleagues, keep one-on-one meetings short with the possibility of more time. But if you’re truly busy, this will help you move beyond this challenge.
Your Colleagues Are Busy
Some of your colleagues are busy. Don't take it personal if they can't meet or need to re-schedule. One way you can reduce this from happening is to keep the chat short. Most people don't have 30 minutes to talk; I kept mine to 15 minutes because it feels easy to everyone involved, plus it's easy to integrate into your day. If colleagues could go over (most could), then we kept chatting for longer. But this was a choice we could both make as we chatted.
You'll see this as you mature in your life but many people camouflage their fear of rejection behind non-existent reasons. The key is that you don't do this in your life. Avoid coming up with reasons to not meet colleagues under the "guise" of a reason when in reality, you fear that may not be available. Again, your colleagues are busy. It's not personal.
But What Do I Talk About?
A few years ago, a friend asked me how I'm so comfortable meeting strangers. When he asked me, I didn't have a good answer since my thinking is "how can you not talk to people around you?" As I thought about it, I realized that "noticing" is how I can easily talk to strangers. This requires presence - seeing people and situations. If you see someone with a t-shirt that says, "Fearless" how can that not make you want to spark up a conversation?
The same applies to colleagues where you work. How long have they worked there? What made them want to join the company? What made them choose to do their job? What's a challenge they've recently faced and what did they learn? What do they love doing (I love this question because this is where you learn - people are extremely good at what they love doing). Because the context of our chats was a "coffee" chat, the most obvious question is "Are you a coffee or a tea person?" Once you start thinking about all the questions you can ask, you realize that there's no way you'll be able to cover everything in 15 minutes, so stick with a question or two and let the conversation flow.
One big bonus here is talking about something you really want to understand in your industry. For instance, if you're fascinated by logistics with mining and you’re meeting mining colleagues involved in that, it's a great opportunity to understand those details.
One helpful technique from standup comedy is the "high percentage choice" technique. A high percentage choice is a joke that has a higher probability of landing with the audience. For instance the joke, "If uranium and lead were a couple, uranium would be the person in the couple that would tell lead, 'I feel like I'm becoming more and more like you every year'" won't be funny to most audiences. That joke is more tailored to geologists and chemists. If you're in a room of them, use it. But if not, stick with a joke that most people will get.
How you apply this to colleagues: if you're feeling fear about talking to colleagues you don't know, go with the easier choice of topic or topics. For instance, "what made you want to join the company?" or "what do you love doing?" People love talking about this and sharing their whys because it's the basis of what we do.
Understand Group Dynamics Vs Individual Discussions
One book that I will recommend my sons read, but I would never publicly discuss highlights a key point about people and groups. People behave very differently in a group than as individuals. Keep this point in mind if you're meeting colleagues in groups. People naturally desire structure, even if they don't recognize this. When you have a group of people, it can create chaos especially if everyone tries to talk at once or lead the group to do something at once.
My professor Dr. Schneider noted in his (no longer available) book The New Man that "Even though I never assign students a desk in class, I notice that they'll choose to sit in the same desk throughout the semester." Why? Because people like order.
Humorous research point: at one church I attended for a while, I would sit in a different spot for our Sunday school class as a fun social experiment. This created confusion for other members because I was sitting in a different spot every week. I could see members experience confusion and call this out. I would joke back, "I have to keep y'all on your toes; makes for a better discussion." We all laughed about it, but the takeaway from this situation is that even in simple situations, people still intuitively feel a desire for order. My favorite memory of this is when a new member would join and existing members would say, "Tim drives us all crazy by sitting in a different spot every week."
What this means is that people in group situations will gravitate to a leader because it provides structure. The biggest mistake that novices can make is trying to be the leader of this group. Unless you have experience with this, a better approach to groups is to encourage and strengthen the natural leader of the group. Take an example where you have 5 people who all wonder if it's their time to talk; if you know the natural leader is Bob, you can say something like "Bob is probably going to want us to each tell the group how [story], so I'll start." What you've done here is point to Bob's leadership since you recognize he's the natural leader, then set the tone for the rest of the group to follow Bob's lead. As a note here, this is one of the most important skills you'll ever learn - amplifying and directing people to another person's leadership (linking). This skill will take you far in life.
Here's where the situation changes: you're the one initiating a group of colleagues to meet. This is when you do want to lead. Because you invited and initiated, you want to lead here to get people to start casually talking. If you excel at storytelling, then start with a short story that has a lot of bait since people will ask more questions about the story.
You can also start a casual group discussion with the following:
Fun icebreaker questions. Make sure they're very light hearted; the goal is to get people out of the serious mental space.
Word-association rounds. Each person says the first word that comes to mind with the next person saying the first word that comes to mind from that word and on.
Trick or treat together. This works best in really large casual discussions with an even number of members. Each person says their favorite character - real, fiction, etc. Then everyone discusses how to "pair" the choices off; for instance John saying Darth Vader and Sarah saying Voldemort making a pair for reason, etc.
Underrated, but highly effective: getting straight to the point. If you're having a casual discussion about a specific topic or point, then lead with your take on it first. This is extremely underused, but very effective.
One contextual point here: the client is not paying for this meeting. These games are intended for the casual times we speak to our colleagues.
Notice and Remember
During college while I worked in financial sales, one morning my colleague Whitney shared details about a date that she had been on in the previous evening.
"He was very quiet for a first date," she finished after telling her story. The date was all right in her eyes, but the guy she was with seemed a bit uncomfortable and shy. She felt that he was a bit weird because he didn’t have a lot to say.
"It's a first date," I highlighted. "Most normal people aren’t going to be comfortable on a first date.”
“But when you and I first met, you were comfortable,” she said in a way that indicated she was comparing experiences with people.
“You and I are both in financial sales - we practice connecting faster with people on a daily basis,” I replied. “You mentioned he was an engineer. Engineers are good at details and also tend to be good thinkers. Thinkers don’t connect as fast. Think about our customers who are engineers. We spend more time talking to them about details and giving them time to think. That’s what makes them great engineers.”
Whitney considered what I said. She concluded that she would go on another date with him and her second date with him was amazing; he was much more comfortable and relaxed. She eventually married him and they are happily married (and receive regular requests for advice).
While she often says I gave her great advice, I actually point out that Whitney listens exceptionally well. Many people have gotten the same or similar advice. But they thought they knew better than the advice. Whitney listened to the advice and acted on it. Listening is one of the most powerful tools you can develop; people have great stories and great lessons to share. But you have to listen.
As you meet with colleagues, pay attention. If you have to, take notes and call it out - "I have a bad memory and I like to note things I'm learning and the point you just made..." By being fully present when talking with your colleagues, you not only learn presence, you learn about them and you'll discover how you relate to them. You can't do this if you're not present. Likewise, presence takes practice.
When I was younger, one of the few movies I watched was the masculine movie Fight Club. In it, Tyler Durden says "Most people are just waiting for their turn to talk." That's how many people feel. I challenge you instead to be the person who's listening, present and notices details about the person you're sharing life. You have many great surprises that await you that you'll someday look back on and realize, "That moment happened because I listened."
Actions To Take
When you have the opportunity, meet with your colleagues.
Take the lead by setting up a meeting or discussion. The easiest way to start is with the reason why.
Don't take it personal if they don't respond.
If you're meeting a group and setting it up, lead. If you're not setting it up, but joining, amplify the natural leader.
Be present and practice it every time you meet someone.
If you’re a paid subscriber, join the Executive Decision calls this year. This is another way to practice what you’ve learned in this post.
People are awesome. So are your colleagues. Now go out and meet them.
All images are either sourced from Pixabay or generated with Grok. All written content is copyright, all rights reserved. None of the content may be shared with any artificial intelligence.